Project 1 ReWorked
Sorry this was a time consuming 20 page reworking so I was working on it until the very last minute.
Changes suggested:
1. Add the green on pages 18 & 19 throughout brochure.
2. Enlarge map on pages 6 & 7.
3. Zoom in on Wachusett Mountain picture on 4 & 5.
4. Possibly reduce page count. Definitely DO NOT Increase page count.
5. Make the Tourist Info stand out more on page 3.
Changes implemented:
1. I absolutely agree with adding the green to other areas of the brochure! I added it to the diamond line rule and border of pix on pages 2 & 3 and 12 & 13, Header on 6 & 7 and 10 & 11, increased green border to 2pt width on 4 & 5, 8 & 9, added, subheads on 12 & 13.
Changes implemented:
1. I absolutely agree with adding the green to other areas of the brochure! I added it to the diamond line rule and border of pix on pages 2 & 3 and 12 & 13, Header on 6 & 7 and 10 & 11, increased green border to 2pt width on 4 & 5, 8 & 9, added, subheads on 12 & 13.
2. I didn't make the actual map bigger but I did zoom in to make it easier to read then adjusted the numbered apples on the map and added them in the text copy to make it easier to locate the locations along with increasing the font size of the months and changing them to green.
3. I zoomed in to the beautiful Wachusett Mountain picture to show off it majestic size a bit more.
4. I couldn't figure out what I could cut out and did not increase the page count. I also didn't end up making the brochure envelop like I originally wanted to.
5. Bolded and changed the font to black on the tourist info and made a faded white box behind in to be more legible.
Fantastic! It looks wonderful. Though, I have one minor critique for the front cover. The way the debossed image and text wraps around the apple, in proper perspective, they would be debossed the other way (so that the shadow outlines the other side of the text and shape of Johny). Does that make sense? It's kinda hard to describe in a comment where I can't point and show you what i mean :)
ReplyDeleteDesiree, I’m thinking that this much at the die cut piece I remember, which was actually trimmed in the shape of a cut open apple. Here I see a soft edge on the apple that disappears into a black background… so I’m not completely sure if this is a die cut or not?
ReplyDeleteBesides wondering about that, here are some thoughts about the interior design:
1. Cover: Both covers contain some type that looks like you intend for it to appear written “on” the surface of the apple. I like this idea, but the distortion I see here doesn’t allow me to really believe it. I think the problem mostly lies in the curve of the baselines that don’t really follow the contour of the apple – and I think I see other distortions that aren’t helping the illusion. I think you are trying to warp these separately by hand – without good guides in place. In the end, I’m not sure this is important to the content – and so, if creating visually correct contour lines around this apple isn’t something you can do - maybe you should simply place the type inside of the apple shape without trying to suggest the illusion. OR – I can help you establish the correct contour lines if you want during next class (bring a print out of both front and back that we can draw on).
After we establish the correct curves and position of the baselines, you can use Illustrator or Photoshop to distort the type correctly. See these tutorials:
http://layersmagazine.com/illustrator-text-envelope-distortion.html
http://www.photoshopessentials.com/basics/type/warp-text/
2. Interior Headings: Curved baselines are tricky things – and if they change direction too quickly, it is almost impossible for the type to appear gently placed… instead it can appear “forced” into placement. That is what is happening with your titles on these pages – you are trying to tame them into submission following a baseline that turns too many sharp corners. I suggest you relax this baseline to be a gentle curve, allowing your titles to inhabit a space that also leaves well designed negative space around it. Currently you have “trapped” some very awkward negative space between your title and the subhead – at the top of both pages. Also… you should know that usually script fonts do not follow curved baselines well, and can cause all sorts of character “crashes” within the words. Kerning becomes a nightmare. So… this is another reason why I’m suggesting you relax this baseline a lot – so your letter spacing will even out.
3. Interior layout a bit inconsistent: Sometimes I see the page heading at top, sometimes along the sides, sometimes sitting directly on an edge (the map)… is this because you haven’t found the perfect spot for these heading? I encourage you to rework the first spread, with its red heading, sans serif subheading, and body copy. Make this spread work well, and then use it as a template for the following pages. Only after all pages adhere to the successful “template” should you decide to make changes to add interest to the flow of the project. Multi-page projects should show a real consistency from page to page, with changes made for good reasons… and not “change for change sake” – which I think I may be seeing here. NOTE: I’m not convinced that your headings along the side offer the reader the correct visual hierarchy – they may be the last item read on the page. If this is your approach – you’ll need to address that issue.
Consider that many of your pages are too dense – too much text to be inviting to read, too many elements in the design. What can you cut? What is the most important content? Where is the negative space we need to help “chunk” the type into readable sections… you have a little, but is it enough? You will be judged by the success of your page design, not the number of elements on the page.
Continued from above:
ReplyDeleteI would encourage you to increase the page margins ( along the outer edge of the apple)… which will help relax the design right away. Also, you have some clever seeds in the middle of the apple. Nice – but the type is too close to them on left and right. I suggest you place these seeds on the page in their own elliptical image frame, allowing InDesign to help you wrap the text evenly around them.
Sometimes your subheadings are green script, sometimes small bold sans serif. Find the best combination and stick to it – that’s what book designers must do. We talk in terms of Aheads, Bheads, Cheads, etc… and we stick to the styling we’ve given them throughout the entire project. When making these design decisions, we need to take into account all the possible elements that can be present together on a page. If you find your styling doesn’t work in a particular situation… go back and rethink that initial decision so the style can be consistent in both cases, and successful in both places.
4. Specific pages: Some further comments…
Pgs 4/5 – I suggest you use the smaller sans serif subheading style for the quote and consider placing the quote above the photo? It will make room up top for the long title “Preserving our Land, Conserving our Wildlife” and pull together 2 elements that are related, creating a stronger element together than they are separately.
Pgs 6/7 – Every one of these items should be only 2 lines long… which will give you needed negative space between the items. Drop the address? Or website? If you simplify this content, maybe you won’t need the leader lines… which just crowd the design even more. Title doesn’t sit well at top of menu… should it sit inside the map, or under it? Know that this page, which is meant to be visually helpful to the reader with corresponding #s in little apples, really needs to be less busy to be inviting to read. I suggest you use white numbers inside the red apples… to be more visible.
Pgs 8/9 – the color of this table is pink. PINK? Really? What is your color palette for this project… it certainly hasn’t included pink up to now… and it’s not used again. What other color can be used here? How can your titles be more connected to their sections? Are the table headings making your titles redundant? They say the same things… so don’t use the ones in the table, crop them out.
Lastly, for now, please catch the typo – Ingredients (not Ingrediants)
This should give you something to think about! And, as you rework this design, I suspect you’ll find ways to simplify content on each spread for the sake of your visual design. It’s really important – and if you are successful with this, then this project will be rightly one of your best.
I love this project and all it has to offer, Desiree. I also like the cover and the addition of the business card on the apple.
ReplyDeleteHere are a few tidbits:
1) The headlines are running into kerning issues. Coni's suggestions will likely help you address those issues.
2) The gradient behind the tourist info might look less cramped if it ran all the way to the green border on the left.
3) On the page with the drop cap A, the second line should be pushed to the right a bit so that it doesn't interfere with the drop cap. Also the heading has a typo—perserving should be preserving. Spell check at the end is your friend.
4) On the map page, I think it would look better if the seeds were on top of the map rather than cut off. Coni's suggestion of putting the seeds in a separate art shape will make this possible.
5) Also on the map page, some of the ellipses appear bold, some regular, and one is bold and red. I'm not sure if the boldness is an illusion or really true.
6) On the varieties page, I wish there was a way to make the chart less boxy. All the other pages adhere to the shape of the apple and then this one has the box sitting on top of the apple. That might be the best solution, but I find myself wondering how else that information could be presented. Sorry, I don't have a particular solution to this one!
Overall, this is a wonderful work!