Sunday, March 1, 2015
Project #4 massive rework!
I have spent a tremendous amount of time in illustrator and in-design this weekend. I am pretty sure it was well worth it considering the improvements made to my brochure. The changes I have made were a completely illustration of the lure and map, change in colors. I removed two pictures and increase the size of the remaining images. The images are placed in perfect circles. Chris had the idea of shaping the circles into Lilly pads however I just do not have the time to play with that idea. I also have increased the size of the brochure from 8.5" x 11" to 10.5" x 14" folded up to be 3.5" x 3.5". Hope you all like the changes.
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I've written these comments two times and lost them. Let's hope this time is the charm!
ReplyDeleteNice rework, Greg! I like the new swooshes you have at the top to imply the movement of water. And great job with the illustration of the lure. I was going to ask you if you illustrated it or if it was a photo until I read your overview. Nice job on the shininess of the metal!
I have a few suggestions. Feel free to use or not use them as you wish.
1) Can you add a little shininess to the body of the lure...just a bit?
2) I find the Tully Lake in the upper left (UL) is harder to read. Could you increase it to the size of the "& Long Pond"? It might require moving "Activities" to the right a bit.
3) The angle down for "Activities" "Preservation" and "History" isn't quite working for me. What do you think about having them all horizontal or following the curve of the swoosh in one arc?
4) The text in the lower right (LR) is hard to read. Would it help to make it all orange-yellow?
5) Move quotation mark in LL green bubble so that it hangs to the left of the copy block.
6) Make spacing around photo circles more consistent. Are you adding wrap margins around the photo circles so that InDesign helps you with the spacing or are you manually creating the space?
7) I personally would remove the initial indent on the last two paragraphs.
8) Spellcheck
9) Search and replace all of the following instances:
a) Change all double spaces to single spaces between words.
b) Generally you don't start sentences with numerals like "11" "700".
c) Tully Lake Park (add initial caps to most of the following examples)
d) Tully Park (should it always be Tully Lake Park? or Tully Park?)
e) Tully Lake, Tully Mountain, Tully River Valley, Tully River
f) Long Pond
g) North Orange (or "northern part of Orange"?)
h) Royalston Falls
i) Massachusetts Division of Fisheries and Wildlife
j) Lawrence Brook
k) Usually you should add commas on either side of "however" or precede it with a semi-colon and follow it with a comma.
l) In "Biking" section, add em dash between "difficult trail" and "narrow and"
Nice job overall. You've made it into a much more effective design!
Sue has just about said it all for me. This is an amazing rework, which definitely took much time, as evidenced by all the little typos. The lure (which does need some shine) and it's "clear" line are very effective, as well as using fewer images. I like that the image on the right runs off the page. However, the two circles with images look more oval than round. I would suggest making them perfect circles, such as the circle with text on the far left. The dark blue, light blue and green ribbons running across the top of the brochure concern me. I don't know what I would do with them, but they don't work for me. Too "choppy" maybe? Too geometric, instead of creating a smooth path? Too haphazard? For me, they bring to mind a storm over the pond, instead of calm and quiet. My eye doesn't know where to look in this area, and that confuses me and distracts from the design.
ReplyDeleteGreg - I think both comments above contain suggestions I encourage you to think about: you must fix the grammar and punctuation issues, and revisit the sharp interlocking shapes along the top edges of the inside. These could be worked into the concept IF they were flowing water-like shapes. I see a simple version of this at top of map, behind heading.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm going to add one additional thing - visual hierarchy on the cover. The title needs more emphasis and contrast to the background. Consider moving the "&" position, to create a more vertical shape to the text arrangement - which will allow you to enlarge it. Then, consider using white letters - that will certainly add the contrast needed.
I'm really impressed with how this has evolved - GREAT WORK.
Thank you Sue and Virginia for your critique. I brought the body copy over from the original version flawed and was in such a rush to get it up on the blog I didn't take the time to proof read. A crucial step which I need to focus on much more.
ReplyDelete